Sex…Or Lack of and some of the causes

Ok, lets talk about sex.  I like many others I am sure, have at one time or another seen a decline in the sex drive which makes us women think is it me? Or is it him? The fact is, if the man in your life is over 40 years old, and you have been married for over ten years and you have children, it is probably your man that is in a midlife crisis. Ladies, every single man will go through this stage.  It is like us when we go through menopause, we cant run and hide from it, it is a natural occurence in men. I dont really understand why there is not alot of how should I say this …advertising about this, because lets face it, your man is going through his changes in life again, and it is going to hurt you and your  family. It will also hurt him, believe it or not. Men dont I guess want to acknowldge this or they just dont have enough education to understand that this is going to happen to them eventually down the road of getting older. The most likely targets who will get hit the hardest I believe are the men between 40 and 55 years old, who have children, have a history of depression and are extremly bored or frustrated with there jobs. A man from the ages of 25 years old to 38- 39 years old with these problems are more than likely not in a midlife crisis, but in depression.  So now you have noticed the sex has died off, what used to be 2-3 times a week has now become once a month, or worse maybe once every three months, your husband seems more intrested in sleeping then cuddling up with you. And all of a sudden, you feel so alone. Where is he? you ask yourself,what have I done wronge?  First lets get one thing straight, its probably not you, but is him. When women get upset, they tend to bing on chocolate, or talk to a very close friend. Guys on the other hand, dont express themselves like we women do. They tend to keep things inside when they have a problem. Very few men talk to there best friends about there problems, because well..men need to show everyone they are stronge and they dont need help. They tend to think they can handle any problem that comes along. They dont want to show they are weak.  My question of the week is this…Do physicians tell their male patients who are turning 40-55 years old, that there WILL be a time where there bodys are going to change, that they WILL begin to feel confused about there lives and wonder what they have accomplished, they WILL feel the need to run and hide from family and friends, and it WILL probably last three to five years?  And has the physician warned them that they will NOT be able to hide from it, that it is a natural occurance, so prepare yourself.  I dont believe doctors are warning there male and yes female patients, that this is going to happen.  And I ask why not?  Doctors tell us (women) about menopause and how to handle it. They carry advertisements in magazines and TV commercials of how to control menopause, so why not have a campaign on midlife crisis?  I believe if we advertised midlife crisis like menopause, alot of families would not be destroyed, divorce rates would most likely be cut in half and men and women in a midlife crisis would actually not feel alone and go to counciling which is highly recommended.  More books would be written about this problem, and maybe even a movie or two (it could happen).  We see all kinds of information on divorces, infidelity, abandonment, deadbeat dads….. Maybe we should open up the gates and bring in the midlife crisis as a major problem in these times… Let me know your thoughts.

Should a committed man keep in touch with his ex girlfriends?

Hi everyone. I know it has been along time since my writings, but a lot has been going on in my life.   Today, I felt that I need to express something that was brought to my attention, and would like your feedback/ comments on the subject at hand.  The subject is .. Should a commited man in a relationship, keep in touch with his old girlfriends?

I myself am a little bit bewildered by this question, for it was brought up to me by the man I have been dating for almost 3 years now.   We just happened to be chatting on the phone the other day, and he brought up the fact that if we do decide to get married in the fututre, he has always kept in touch with his ex girlfriends, just to see howthey were doing and wondered if that would be a problem for me.  In shock I said yes, it would bother me. He then asked why? He believes that it should not be a probem since he feels he is not intrested in dating them ever again, but is just curious on what is going on in there lives. He even stated that if contacted by e-mail, he would respond and then give them his phone number so they could converse more quickly. Therefore nothing else gained for doing this, just his curiosity. He then stated that we are all adults, and that is the way he would handle the situation , as an adult, not wanting anything else from the conversation.  Of course I was totally against this nonsense, clearly because of the way my relationship with my ex husband started out this exact way.  Michelle (the ex wife) contacted my ex, just to see how he was doing, (my ex even told me she had contacted him) Then came the exchanging of phone numbers, and then one thing led to another, which now she was the perfect woman and he dumped myself and the 4 kids for her and her 3 kids. 

Yes, I am very bitter about what my ex did to me.  I trusted him like I trust the man I am now dating (his name is Jim) but no, I do not believe he should keep in contact with his ex girlfriends for any reason.  Am I wronge in this decision?   Please let me know your thoughts about this.

So What is Love?

While sitting here tonight talking to my best friend Marilyn, we were talking about what love is in another persons eyes. To both of us, love means you will stand by that person through sickness, health ,ups and downs and money problems. You will do anything for that person to show him you are willing to do anything to help him out. Why? because that is what we think love is…its the giving of all of you to that one special person in your life. Now I ask you, is this what only women think about love or do men think the same way.  Why is it as time goes by, the “I Love you” stops, and when there are money problems, the sex goes away and when you have children, Well, you never seem to have time to go away alone…even when the kids get older….Why dont husbands and wives work together harder, to make it work, Why do men feel that it is just fine to walk out on a family and kids because of money problems, and then they feel that it is OK to not pay the child support.  Why do men when they think they have fallen in love again with another women , feel that there responsabilitys as a father is gone. Why is it that the father is constantly hurting the family he use to love? Is it out of guilt, shame, or is it just plain self centeredness?

Welcome to The Divorce/ Midlife Crisis Blog

Two years ago, my best friend Marilyn and myself, went through the
most excruciating pain of our lives. Our husbands together, were going through there midlife crisis. Not only did we both experience the pain of our husbands leaving us, but we also witnessed first hand the damage this emotional crisis have on the children these men have left behind.
This blog is being written for the future families of “Midlife Crisis” men. After searching libraries, and countless books for information on this subject, I have found very limited resources, and decided to write this blog to inform women, that there is such a thing as the Midlife crisis and what you should and should not do if you ever have to watch your loved one go through this horrible thing. Myself and Marilyn will talk about our experiences going through this phase in life, what effect it had on our children, and what you can do to protect yourself incase this ever happens to you. We will discuss the warning signs of a man in midlife crisis, what he is going through and what you can do to help him make his transition through this very emotional transition.
This blog is written straight from the heart. I believe it is the only way to write about such a heartbreaking situation. Some marriages will survive, Others unfortunately will not. I hope this blog helps you along through your journey.

Good Luck